Generation 3; Chapter 16

If you were creeping around other areas of Boolprop when I was frantically trying to figure out what was happening to my game a few days ago, you might have been expecting this. I certainly wasn’t. After Sim-weeks of searching for an eligible bride, Joaquin finally married the lovely Claire Small, a pizza delivery girl.

Here was her lifebar right after the wedding.

And then, three hours later, right after a failed “try for baby,” this happened.

Claire: “FML”

Me: D:

I have rarely been so horrified as when this glitch happened. After an hour of frantic googling trying to figure out how to make this go away, I had little hope that I would be able to fix things. Fortunately, I saved the game right after the wedding, so I was able to quit without saving and back up to before Claire got prematurely old and barren. I figured I’d try resetSim on her, or see if I could use Twallan’s SP mod to turn off aging for just her until her natural time to get old.

However, I rebooted, “tried for baby” again, and…chimes! I don’t know what happened but I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth. Everyone is aging normally and nothing hurts. So, without further ado, meet Claire Underground!

Here she is making her hipster makeover debut. She’s Insane, Unlucky, Clumsy, Frugal and a Natural Cook. Her LTW is to be a Gold Digger (which works out as long as she outlives Joaquin, which, eww, but we’ll think about that later) and she brings no assets to the marriage except a slightly different color brown hair and the possibility for her children to have the Pizza Appreciator hidden trait.

However, having two insane sims in the house is more awesome than I could have ever expected. When a normal Sim gets morning sickness while in the upstairs bedroom, she runs to the bathroom next door. When an insane sim gets morning sickness, she changes into her formalwear, runs through the bathroom and down the stairs, and goes outside to throw up on the front lawn. Stuff like this happens on a daily basis.

Then I caught her eating sushi while pregnant. Hopefully Sunset Valley doesn’t have a mercury problem.

By the way, if you look behind Claire you’ll see that the Undergrounds have gotten their very first gnome! Dorian fished him up and I put him on the back porch, but he wasted no time letting himself into the house. It took me a few days, but I finally decided to name him Ad-Rock. Ad-Rock the Gnome is the BEST, you guys.

I mean, this is so scarily appropriate I wonder if he somehow knows his own name, for real.

Soon, Claire spun into her pregnancy clothes, and some of her insanity briefly rubbed off on Dorian.

For once, Claire’s reaction was appropriate. At least Dorian looks properly ashamed of himself. He must be REALLY lonely without Lee, but still…ewwww. I wanted Claire to slap him, but sadly, it didn’t give me the option.

Joaquin rolled a wish to quit work, and I was more than happy to comply. He’s such a cute stay-at-home dad-to-be, constantly giving massages and rolling wants to read pregnancy books. He wants a boy, but Claire wants a girl.

Then suddenly, the fourth generation was on its way. And by suddenly I of course mean “after a four-hour home birth.”

Finally an adorable baby girl was born! Feeling extremely proud of myself, I named her Velvet. Velvet Underground. I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t see the potential for this pun waaaay back at the beginning of this legacy. I know Velvet is a stripper name, but do you really think hipster parents would care?

She rolls the Good and Brave traits, btw.

Joaquin still wants a boy, so it’s back to the bedroom for you two till I hear some chimes.

Meanwhile, poor Flannery spent her Adult birthday alone, partially impaled in the computer desk.

*looks for more pictures of Flannery to put here*

Uhhhh…damn. I don’t seem to have taken any. Right now I’m trying to get her to her LTW (Creature-Robot Crossbreeder) so she can move out and have babies, possibly with that handyman guy whose name I still haven’t written down. So she spends most of her time gardening, fishing, and reading handiness books. Sorry about that, Flannery.

As for the other members of the household:

Dorian finally retired as a Mad Scientist at the age of about 96 so he could spend time with his grandchildren.

Dorian: “So, my insane son and daughter-in-law named you Velvet, did they? Those guys are jerks.”

Dorian: “Don’t worry, though, little Velvet. I’ll take care of you.”

D’aww.

I have to admit I cackled gleefully when I saw this. The pun quotient is SKY-HIGH.

Dorian is getting up there in age, so I knew this was going to happen soon, but I still wasn’t really prepared for it…

The worst part is that he died totally alone. I never got a single notification of even a flirt with another Sim. 

He joined the military career after he moved out but didn’t advance very far. Rest in Peace, my poor Loser spare. I think I’ll miss you most of all.

The next day I send Dorian to the mausoleum to pick up Holden’s headstone for the Underground cemetery.

While he was there, he ran into Wes hanging around the cemetery entrance with Kip Crumplebottom. I’d been getting alternating flirt/fight notifications for these two for a few days, but they’re not actually dating. Wes is pretty hard to get along with, and everyone in town seems to be nemeses with Kip.

I figured Dorian and Wes ought to be on good terms since they’re the only ones left in the second generation now, so they spent some time catching up.

Back at the house, Claire had something to announce.

Claire: “Sweetheart, I don’t know if you’ve noticed by my sudden fondness for yoga pants, but I’m pregnant again!”

Joaquin: “HHHHHHHHHHH”

I have no idea what that face is, but he gave her a thumbs up, so I guess he’s at least mildly excited. They both have wishes for a boy locked in this time.

The next day, it was toddler birthday time for Velvet! It was Serious Business, apparently.

Dorian and Joaquin: TOOOT!

Velvet grew up into some pretty green eyes! I’m sorry but I never bothered to take her to a mirror and see what color her hair is. Those eyebrows look like a possible throwback to Lee, though!

Velvet: Rowf narf snarf.

She is my favorite toddler since Wes. (Although we saw how he turned out).

Velvet: “But loook at me! I’m not boring! And my onesie has octopuses! I’M HIDING IN A TOY BOX.”

Velvet: “THIS IS ADORABLE.”

Yes, it is. But you’d better step up your game, because you’re about to have some competition.

Claire: “It’s happening agaaaaaaAAAAAAAAIN!”


Generation 3; Chapter 15

Just as things were looking up for the Undergrounds, with a potential wedding in the works for Joaquin, poor Lee kicks the bucket at the age of 96 days.

I was as heartbroken as the rest of the Undergrounds. Lee was an awesome spouse, even better than Zelda. She grew a Perfect Garden (her LTW), raised two kids (plus the 6 Spawn We Don’t Like to Talk About, who are all elderly now, btw), and was adorable with Dorian to the end.

Her grave became the first of the second generation to go in the family graveyard.

Grim, being a huge jackass, felt the need to stick around and taunt Dorian and Joaquin.

Grim: “Wow man, you guys are really unlucky. Sucks to be you right now.”

Joaquin took his mother’s death to heart. He was almost an adult, and he had just witnessed first-hand that life is short. I was time to get serious with his pizza delivery girl love interest, Claire.

They had their first kiss in the kitchen, Joaquin in formalwear and Claire in pajamas. This tipped me off that she probably had the Insane trait, too. I’m liking her more and more. 

They spent the next day “getting to know” each other in Central Park…

…while Flannery made eyes at a prospect of her own. I like the idea of both my generation 3 sims marrying NPCs, but Flannery has a LTW to finish first.

Joaquin: “Claire, I know we’ve only known each other for a few weeks, but I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

Claire: “Oh, Joaquin. Of course I will!”

Joaquin: “I’m the happiest man in Sunset Valley!”

Claire: “Okay..”

Joaquin: “Because it’s my birthday!”

Claire: “OMG YAY!!”

Joaquin: “And also because I have a surprise for you, my girlfriend of 2 hours. I’m just going to tell you up front that it’s a diamond ring.”

Joaquin: “A diamond…”

Joaquin: “ENGAGEMENT ring!!!”

Claire: “OMG!!!! I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS AT ALL!!!”

And then there were actual shooting stars. Wow, Joaquin.

Needless to say, she said yes.

One of Dorian’s longstanding wishes was to see his son get married, so the wedding was held in the Undergrounds’ backyard the next day. Holden (still single, poor guy) and Wes (whose partner Homer Keaton recently passed away) were both in attendance, along with Flannery’s possible boyfriend (I really need to remember his name…)

Adorable. If things go well I might even move him in for a little bit. We shall see…

As soon as all the guests arrived, it was time for the wedding. The groom wore a green velvet dressing gown, while the bride wore a puffy vest and track pants. (Definitely Insane.)

Woah, dude. Not in front of the guests. Take it upstairs.

So they did.

Hmm, no chime. Oh well, it was your first time…perhaps if you’ll just try again, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind, and I desperately need babies…hey, Claire, why are you getting out of bed?

Claire: “I feel funny…”

WHAAAAAAAAAA

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 14

All right, dear reader. Let’s have some real talk for a second. I am going to make this spouse search short and sweet for you, because I didn’t take many pictures. I didn’t take many pictures because it was FRUSTRATING AS HELL. Twallan’s SP is great for populating my town with new babies, but that means that it has to have couples to make those babies. As a result, I could not find a single unattached Sim in the entire town. It literally took two weeks in-game for me to find a spouse, and then…well, you’ll see.

Early on, I had high hopes. Here’s a lovely young lady with an awesome mod haircut! Hey, Corrie Reynoso, how’d you like to be a legacy spouse?

Corrie: “Sorry. Taken.”

Okay, no biggie…let’s try the gym. Ooh, look, a redhead! Fun genetics for the win! Her face is a little chimp-like, but with some makeup and a different haircut…

Ella: “Hi, Mr. Underground! You went to school with my big sister!”

Oh whoops, with that mustache you can’t afford to be hitting on teenagers, Joaquin. Let’s see who else is around to choose from…

Nobody at the pro-police protest at City Hall (they’re probably trying to cut the SVPD’s budget…I wouldn’t know, my Sims don’t care about politics, obviously)…

Nobody at the cafe (although Corrie is clearly feelin’ on Joaquin’s bikini bod)…

Alice Guevara, Joaquin’s friend from school, is still a teen and also has a boyfriend now…I clearly should have jumped at that opportunity when I had the chance, those dark skin/blond hair genetics would have been AWESOME, “rich” restrictions be damned.

I don’t even remember who this chick was, but she definitely wasn’t available (Looks like she’s probably a teen, but I have a hard time telling without an adult in the frame for height comparison).

Okay, very slim pickings with the ladies, obviously. Maybe Joaquin can just lay low for a while and wait for Ella (the redhead) to age up into an adult. Great plan!

While he was waiting, I made him work on his self-portrait. Balancing a career, a non-career related LTW, and spouse hunting is hard work, so it was nice to have a break.

However, as we all know, there’s no time to rest on your laurels in a legacy game, so I turned my attention to Flannery. First, I sent her off to get a job at the science facility (if you’d forgotten, her LTW is to be a Creature-Robot Cross-Breeder).

Then, it was off to the park to see what kind of eligible menfolk were hanging around. I have no idea what this guy’s deal is, but I think I dismissed him because he’s so boring-looking. I clearly wasn’t in the desperation stage yet.

Another possible explanation is that I was distracted by this random woman going into labor in the middle of the park with her small son sitting quietly nearby. 

Thus followed a flirtation with a series of military men who all look completely identical to me. There must be some kind of crisis going on outside Sunset Valley’s borders, because every single young adult seems to be employed by the military, and they never change out of their dress blues.

Anyway, it turned out not to matter that I didn’t write down any of their names, because not a single one of them was single. This is the point when I almost considered quitting. Both Flannery and especially Joaquin were getting very close to middle age at this point, and neither of them even had a single prospective romantic interest. At least the CC hair glitch stopped plaguing me for a while. If it had shown up again, I might have done something rash.

However, when I checked for the two dozenth time to see if my red-headed prospect Ella Ursine was finished with high school, I was heartened to see that she was! Finally!! I immediately sent Joaquin over to her house to sweep her off her feet.

Joaquin, look! There she is! Victory is so close, I can taste it!!

Joaquin: “Ella! Heeey. We met at the gym that one time, remember?”

Ella: “No…”

Joaquin: “So, you’re in the military now, huh? There some kind of draft going on?”

Ella: “No…”

Joaquin: “Oh…yeah…so anyway…if I was one of those jocks who are always in line in front of me with six cases of Natty when I’m just trying to buy a pack of American Spirits, I would totally ask you what your sign is right now.”

Ella: “EW, No.”

Me: “ghuiapghiropafjkda;hk” >:(

She has a boyfriend. I don’t believe it. She must have walked out of school with her diploma and grabbed the first guy she saw. I quit the Sims and didn’t play for three days.

Then I remembered I could totally just order the pizza and mary the delivery person. If the pizza was delivered by a girl, Joaquin would be the heir. If it was a boy, then Flannery would be heiress. I didn’t give a rat’s ass what s/he looked like. I didn’t even care if Flannery got the heirship over my favorite, Joaquin. I just wanted one of them to start popping out generation 4, like, yesterday.

Fortunately, I got lucky! Meet Claire Small, pizza delivery girl (no idea why I didn’t get a photo of the actual delivery, but I was a bit out of my head at this point, I think). Unremarkable face, but cute enough. And she’s of childbearing age, and…

:D :D :D

She had to leave not long after that, but I watched her go feeling much better about the situation. Lee and Dorian might live to see their grandchildren after all…

Well, shit.

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 13

Hey, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I haven’t felt like writing up my simming lately because I’ve been having a hell of a time with my game—but we’ll get to that later! Last we left the Undergrounds, Flannery had just become a teenager. You know what that means—the beginning of spouse hunting!

Flannery: “Listen, skank. You stay away from my brother. I know you’re just after our family fortune. You’re going to have to get up pretty early in the morning to trick me.”

Lana: “What? I came home with you. Can’t we just do our homework now?”

Being a Loner, though, Flannery apparently felt the need to take her homework out on the back porch to get away from her own guest.

Meanwhile, Lee was about to have her elder birthday, so Joaquin finally got around to painting her portrait for another point.

Best portrait I’ve had yet, I think!

Speaking of Lee, she’s been working on her cooking skill lately…wait, where is Lee?

Lee??

Ah, there you are! Wow, that looks uncomfortable.

And so Lee ages up into a completely bald Elder. Damn CC hair glitch.

Meanwhile, spouse hunting seems to be going fairly well for Joaquin, despite the fact that he is also suffering from the horrible missing CC hair. Not bad, Joaquin! She’s really pretty!

However, I had forgotten that she’s a Guevara, and the Guevaras are LOADED. I know Aaroc’s rules don’t say anything about marrying a rich Sim, but let’s look around and see if there are any humbler prospects.

So the teen spouse hunt wasn’t all that successful. No worries, there’s sure to be many more options now that Joaquin is becoming an adult, right?

Joaquin: “Heeeeey.”

I think this may be the exact moment when Joaquin became my favorite for heir. But wait! Wait till you see his hipster makeover! I’m cackling gleefully over here. Are you ready??

Can we see that a little closer now?? Yes, yes we can.

RIGHT???

Seriously, though, he takes the best pictures. I never ever get tired of him.

He rolled Workaholic for his final trait (he’s an Insane Genius Hot-headed Snobby Workaholic) so I sent him off to Doo Peas to get a job in the business career.

It’s what he wanted, idk. Maybe it’s a business selling ugly vintage clothes and used jazz records?

Back at the brownstone that evening, I was starting to worry about Dorian. First he forgot that he was married to his wife last chapter. Now he’s introducing himself to the ghost of his father as if they had never met.

Dorian: “Pleased to meet you!”

Jethro: *POOF*

I’m not making that up. That’s exactly how it happened.

I suppose there’s time for another couple of birthdays before I wrap this chapter up.

Dorian: “Ah Jesus, I’m getting old? But EVERYONE gets old! I’ve finally sold out!”

Dorian: “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter anymore if I wear these drawstring pants.”

I left them on him, just for the hell of it.

Four birthdays in one chapter? Why the hell not? Flannery was having no luck finding a potential spouse in high school either, but I had high hopes for her adult years as well. If she can impress me, I might make her the heir yet.

Flannery grows up into a perfectly lovely young adult. She supposedly gained the Vegetarian trait (to make her a Clumsy Genius Snobby Vegetarian Loner) but even though I got to roll the trait, when I saved and quit and came back later it wasn’t there. So she’s an adult with four traits. Ugh, Flannery—you are not helping your case for heiress.

Her lifetime wish is to become a Creature-Robot Cross-Breeder, so for her makeover I decided to go in a kind of lab-coat hipster direction? I dunno, I thought it was cute.

Next time, the spouse hunt begins in earnest! Who will carry on the Underground name??

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 12

Dorian: “Oh, Lee, I love you so much. I think it’s time we took the next step in our relationship.”

Wait, what next step? You are married with two children…

????

I would like to take this moment to remind my readers that Lee is the one with the Absent-Minded trait.

As always, time marches on, and it’s time to celebrate Joaquin’s Teen birthday!

OH JESUS CHRIST NOT AGAIN.

Fortunately, Dorian and Lee were level headed enough to put the fire out, and the firelady once again arrived late to scold everyone about being more careful before turning on her heel and leaving.

Poor Joaquin was forced to age up on his own without the benefit of cake.

Heeeeeey. How did I get such handsome Sims in this legacy? Joaquin has a really nice combination of his father’s and mother’s traits, I think.

He gained the Hot-Headed trait, although I’m not sure if his is him being angry or Insane.

And here he is post hipster makeover. Please feast your eyes on Dem Boots.

I’m getting more of a Rhett Miller vibe from you than anything from your namesake, Joaquin, despite your Hot-Headed Insane Genius traits. Observe:

So I sidled up beside her, sat down and shouted “hi there!”

"My name’s Stewart Ransom Miller, I’m a serial ladykiller"

She said “I’m already dead.” That’s exactly what she said.

Anyway. I digress.

I’m going for a “perfect upbringing” point with Joaquin, so now that he’s a teen, it’s time for him to get a part-time job.

Joaquin: “Dad, I need your advice. I have to get a job, but I don’t know where to apply. What do you think?”

Dorian: “…”

Joaquin: “The bookstore! Of course! You’re the best, Dad.”

So off Joaquin went to get a job at the bookstore downtown.

After that, I sent him over to Doo Peas to complete a “work for a day” opportunity at school. Even though I failed the “Opportunist” handicap in the first generation, I still tend to take them every time they’re offered.

Meanwhile, Flannery wanted to catch an insect for some reason, so I sent her to the park to appease her weirdness.

Who should she run into but her uncles, Holden and Wes!

Holden: “Come on, little bro. You were always the cool one in the family. Is there something wrong with me? You can tell me! What am I doing wrong??

Wes: “Well, for one thing, I think you need to have your gaydar recalibrated, because it is seriously on the fritz.”

Yeah, so, remember that whole thing right before Holden moved out, where he wanted to hit on his step-nephew John but it’s okay because they’re basically the same age?

Holden: “DAMN!”

I think Twallan’s SP has it in for Holden even more that the EAxis SP did.

Flannery: “Uncle Holden! It’s so good to see you again! I’ve missed you soooo much!”

Flannery: “Uncle Wes. Pleasure to finally meet you.”

LOL. I guess Wes hasn’t been around much for Joaquin and Flannery. Maybe in some families it’s not too weird to have to “get to know” your own uncle, but I found it pretty bizarre.

I realized Joaquin was probably done with his “work for a day” opportunity and went to check on him. I found him arguing with himself on the sidewalk outside Doo Peas.

Heeeey, Joaquin, buddy. Come on, let’s get you out of here before your bookstore employers wander by. Can’t have you fired for reasons of hot-headed insanity before you start your first day.

However, I couldn’t send the kids home without a little swingset time first. 

Weekends are for family bonding, so Lee and Flannery spent some time that evening watching the romance channel together. This is a hipster legacy (remember? I know, I forget sometimes too) so we’ll just say they were watching it ironically.

Dorian, however, was focused on beating this old lady and finally getting his lifetime wish of Chess Legend knocked out. Yay!! Point for me!

Dorian: “I WIN.”

Yes, you do.

A bit later on, Flannery was up on the roof playing catch with a friend from school when she suddenly realized it was her birthday. HOORAY, yes, have your birthday outdoors at night so all my pictures turn out dark blue, thanks.

Aww, so pretty— wait. Does she…?

Oh my god, she does. She looks EXACTLY LIKE ME.

Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. The eyes and face shape are definitely different than mine, but she has my hair color and cut, and I have a dress exactly like that. If I were going to make a simself, she would look almost identical to this.

You are weirding me out, Flannery! Time for your hipster makeover.

Much better! She rolled Loner for her fourth trait, by the way. 

Now that we have two teens in the house, who will be our heir?? I have my preference, but feel free to leave yours in the comments. Until next time!

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 11

Hey guys! So…still hanging out in our living room after the fire last chapter?

Fireman: “Yep! It’s great because we’re NPCs so we never get sleepy or pee on ourselves! We just stand here…watching your children play…”

Yep, for some reason two firemen responded to the fire from Flannery’s birthday cake. They came in separate “fire trucks” (I c wut u did there). One of them glitched next to the front door for a while while the other put out the fire. Then they both just…stayed.

I’m too lazy to look up the cheat command to make them go away, so they keep hanging around my living room right next to the kids’ dollhouse, clapping when someone has a birthday.

Anyway, when we last left the Undergrounds, Dorian and Lee were almost at the end of the long slog of toddler-skilling. Let’s see how Mom and Dad are doing.

Lee: “The kids are asleep, we haven’t woohooed since Flannery was conceived and you look really hot in that lab coat. DO ME.”

Dorian: “My father just died! How can you think of sex at a time like this??”

Wow, this is awkward. Pretty sure he’s just covering for the fact that Lee smells like the compost heap she’s been working in all day.

Don’t worry, they worked it out eventually.

You know what’s creepy? Realizing in the moment that you are hunched over your laptop taking pictures of tiny computer people you control having sex. And you’re still considered by most to be a normal, high-functioning human being.

Moving on!

Zelda finally decided to come out and meet her new daughter-in-law. Fortunately she changed out of her backup singer gear first; I don’t think I could have handled that haunting.

Lee: “UGH.”

Dorian must have told her all about it.

But what about your other grandchild, Zelda? The one I kicked out to go out into the world and carry on your blond haired genetics?

Well whattaya know! I never would have guessed, Wes. And his name is Homer! That is an awesome hipster name. I might have to steal that one.

I waited till the last second to age Joaquin up, so he didn’t get a party. Sorry buddy! I’m not very on top of my game these days, apparently.

Sensing it was a special occasion, the firefighters left their post to come make some noise for Joaquin.

Fireman: “Yay! There is nothing more important we could possibly be doing right now! Nothing is on fire anywhere!”

This is the most elegant derp I have ever seen. THESE KIDS.

I had forgotten that Joaquin had the Insane trait until he went to his first day of elementary school in a white tux and electric blue shoes. Ooh Joaquin, you are doing this family proud. I can’t wait to give him his hipster makeover when he turns Teen!

It was around this time that I finally installed Twallan’s StoryProgression Mod (love it, by the way!) which had the side effect of finally de-glitching my firemen! First I got the scolding that was meant to be given several days ago:

Then, instead of leaving, the firelady hesitated before running up the stairs. I followed, curious and apprehensive about what new glitch this could be.

Firelady: Hey! Sleeping lady! I just wanted you to know that YOU GUYS SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL NEXT TIME. Bye. *leaves with siren on*

Ugh. Hate u.

Anyhow, time marches on in the Underground household, with Dorian celebrating his adult birthday inconveniently in the middle of the night.

(PS, yes, this picture does remind me that I need to turn my sim detail settings up past low; one of these days I will remember to do it before I save and quit my game)

Dorian: Ugh, I feel the tingling of maturity settling upon me.

Dorian: Oh, never mind, that was just my hairline receding.

Look at that eyebrow! Cocky bastard. I am tempted to keep him half-bald just out of spite.

Meanwhile, Joaquin has been diligently practicing his painting. Since Jethro died I need someone new for portraits, and Joaquin seemed to take to painting pretty well. In fact, he’s already chosen Illustrious Author (mastering the writing and painting skills) for his lifetime wish. My lifetime wish is to get a portrait of Lee that’s not painted in all black before she turns Elder, so keep practicing.

Despite apparently falling into/becoming one with the potty, Flannery managed to finish all her toddler skills in the last few hours before her Child birthday. This calls for a celebration!

This is just an amazing picture for everyone involved.

And…derp. Flannery gains her Family Trait of Snob. She’s now a Clumsy Genius Snob, if you were keeping track.

Meanwhile, over in the corner:

Oh, dancing with Kip Crumplebottom, I see! How are things going with Kip, Holden?

D’OH!! Even StoryProgression knows you’re a Loser, Holden! And Kip was stolen away by none other than I WAS NOT MEANT TO BE guy. I admit defeat. I literally cannot find a single guy to hook you up with. You’re on your own, babe.

Holden: I like this one! *compliment personality*

Straight and taken. Get back on that horse, Holden!

I’ve kept Holden around for this long for three reasons: 1. He’s secretly my favorite; 2. He practically raised Joaquin and Flannery; and 3. He hadn’t yet gotten his lifetime wish for a perfect aquarium. Now, however, the babies are children and Holden has a bit more time on his hands.

It didn’t take him too much longer before he had his 13 perfect fish (point!) and I knew it was time for him to go out on his own and find a nice boy to settle down with.

He gave his niece Flannery a hug. They are at 100% relationship; Holden is more of a father figure to her than Dorian, I think.

Then he left the Underground brownstone to seek his fortune elsewhere. I have the feeling that we’ll be seeing more of Holden in this legacy, though. Intriguingly, this was the last wish he rolled before he moved out:

Hitting on his nephew-in-law! This should be an ewww, but they’re basically the same age due to the weird family tree situation with Lee’s kids-who-shall-not-be-named. We shall see…

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 10

Holden is disgusted with me.

Holden: “Why is this legacy moving so slowly? Why is our lot so ugly? And why in god’s name have you not set me up with a superfoxy guy who loves me for my awkward shorts??”

Three things I intend to remedy this chapter, my darling judgmental asshole.

First things first: gotta make this lot less barren if I’m going to do 10 generations here. I made the backyard pretty and put Zelda’s vegetable garden back there, which is now being cultivated by Lee.

It’s not easy making a brownstone look normal when it’s sitting in the middle of a huge lot in the suburbs by itself, so I just put some trees around it and added a bike rack in front. That’ll do. (The multiple fire trucks will be explained later, I promise.)

Now, let’s get this legacy moving!

First up: Joaquin’s birthday.

(Ugh, I keep thinking I’m getting better at taking pictures, and then I find shit like this in my screenshot folder. I’m TRYING, I PROMISE)

Awww! Okay.

Lee, what do you have for me?

Hey, a baby! I almost forgot you were pregnant again, Lee. And it’s finally a girl! Her name is Flannery and apparently I didn’t pay enough attention to Lee while she was preggers because she was born with Genius and Clumsy locked in. :( That’s minus two points for me. But now I have two Genius kids, so that should be interesting.

Lee spends most of her time sprucing up Zelda’s garden. I’m trying to step it up a little and actually acquire some different kinds of plants, since last I checked she had 39 tomatoes in her inventory.

Unfortunately, her CC hair glitched out on me. Oh Lee, the hair was what made me fall in love with you in the first place! I hope it comes back soon.

Dorian is in the Science career and frequently comes home looking like this.

Jethro is still skilling on his guitar in a halfhearted attempt to get his LTW, but he seems to enjoy being with his grandkids more and how can I deny him that? Old scenesters teaching their grandkids about ethnic food is the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

Okay, but what about Holden? He’s been helping out with the kiddos too, I think he deserves a reward.

Hey, nice moves, Kip Crumplebottom! How’d you like to deflower my nerdy loser of a firstborn? 

Kip: “You mean that guy?”

Yep, that’d be him, sitting alone reading at his own birthday party. Sigh.

Kip: “Why, yes. Yes I would.”

AAAH! Oh Holden, I’m so happy for you! :’D

But Kip left before Holden even blew out his candles. UGH. Don’t worry, babe, I’ll get him back for you.

Holden: “Yaaaaay.”

Then he and Lee grew up into Adults. Move along, nothing to see here.

I can’t let Holden move out quite yet, anyway, as I want his point for a Perfect Aquarium. He’s halfway there already and I don’t think it’ll take too much longer. Plus, his fish is awesome fertilizer for Lee’s Perfect Garden.

With her two babies and constant gardening, Lee was getting stir crazy so I sent her to fulfill an opportunity by delivering some vegetables to her daughter in town.

Tawnya: “Ugh, Mom, what happened to your hair? It looks like garbage.”

Yep, that’s one of Lee’s young adult “daughters.” One of her sons came to her birthday party, check it out:

I WAS NOT MEANT TO BE

I’m sorry, this will never not creep me out.

While she was downtown I decided to send her over to check out Wes’s new digs.

Digs? Do people still say digs? Or only ironically? Idk. Anyway, nice house.

Ooh, I really like what you’ve done with the place, Wes! How much money did you get when I kicked you out, anyway?

Lee and her brother-in-law didn’t actually have much to say to each other, so she stole his flame fruits and left. Here’s hoping he hooks up with a rando townie soon. I want to see his babies!

Back home, it was time for Flannery’s birthday. Or it was supposed to be, anyway.

"AAH!"

AAAAAAHHHHH!!!!”

"GHDIAPIOJFEKAL;HKGDL;AHL!!!!!!!!!!!!!"


Wow, that cake didn’t take long to turn into a RAGING INFERNO. Gone is the Invisible Fire of yore. In all the commotion, Flannery never did grow up into a toddler.

We definitely could have used the help of a second firefighter, but unfortunately he was too busy glitching outside, thinking about the award he deserves for being the Bestest Firefighter.

I thought we’d had enough excitement for one evening, but then the unthinkable happened…

Noooooooo Jethro!!

Firefighter: “I’m going to put a dozen roses on the grave of this man I barely know.”

Well I thought that was pretty sweet.

Holden: “DAAAAAAAAAAD!

Jethro: “Hooooolden. Yooooouuuuu were allllways my faaaaaavorite.”

*Leaves everything to Holden*

And so we bid farewell to our founder, Jethro Underground. He mastered his career and the painting skill, but never completed his lifetime wish. :( I promised him elderly woohoo and never delivered. Maybe you and Zelda can hook up in the afterlife, bb.

Then Holden did this, which just made me really sad:

I hate ending on a death, so how about we finally get around to Flannery’s toddler birthday!

Flannery: “DERP”

Can’t be the Genius; must be the Clumsy. You don’t get to see any of the cute pictures of her until next chapter, but I will give you this: her first Patronizing Eyeroll!

(I prefer to think that’s what’s happening here since the alternative is that she’s possessed.)

Stay tuned for next time, when stuff will surely happen but I haven’t played very far ahead so I’m not sure exactly what!

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 9

So, when last we left the Underground family, our newly-minted second-generation matriarch was feeling a little nauseated. Could she be…PREGNANT?? I don’t know why we legacy writers feel the need to act like there’s suspense here. Yes. She’s pregnant.

While we wait for the baby to bake, let’s check in on the rest of the clan.

Jethro painted this masterpiece, which totally isn’t ripping off Vermeer because her turban is a completely different color, and with that he mastered the painting skill! Not only is he halfway to getting his Master of the Arts LTW, he gets a point for that! I am pretty proud of myself, actually.

Speaking of masterpieces, why oh why does the “paint portrait” feature in TS3 suck SO BADLY?? You’ll just have to trust me that the last two are of Holden and Wes. Two more points! I still need Jethro to squeeze out a portrait of Lee before he kicks the bucket, and then I suspect someone else will have to take over portrait duty. Which might not be a bad thing.

Dorian is also working on his LTW, which is to be a chess legend. He was stalled for quite a while because his brother Wes was his next ranked opponent, but was actually better at chess than him and beat him several times. Dorian finally beat him and is moving on up the ranks.

Holden…well. I’m not trying to promote stereotypes here, but I think I’ve finally figured out his sexual orientation.

Maybe I just feel sorry for him because of his awful Loser trait, but I really want him to meet a nice boy and settle down. I thought this guy who randomly showed up uninvited with Dorian’s chess opponent had promise. 

Aw, look, they’re hitting it off!

Holden: “So…are you single?”

Potential love interest: “Ew. No.”

He is actually in a relationship. With a woman. Don’t worry, Holden, we’ll definitely find the Portia to your Ellen.

I have no pictures of Wes at all to show you. He bores me intensely. I’m pretty sure he was either writing a book or working his way up the police career this entire time. Let’s move on to the only thing anyone really cares about anyway: BABIES.

Lee: “So, ah, this home birth thing…are you sure it’s better? Because I had my first five babies in the hospital and they turned out fine…”

ACTUALLY. All of your children (who I have been doing an excellent job ignoring the existence of up until now) but one are young adults now. YOU are a young adult. There is clearly some kind of government experimentation going on with babies born in that hospital that turns them into Robin Williams from Jack. So it’s home births for all the Undergrounds.

(Seriously though, this is one of the weirdest things I have ever seen in the Sims. I’m making a mental note to go visit that one bald kid and see what’s up.)

Lee: “Okay. Okay. I can do this. Just let me go around to the back of the house where no one will see me.”

And, in the bushes behind the house (I just realized that I really ought to put a patio back there), Joaquin Underground was born! He rolled the traits Genius and Insane, which couldn’t be more appropriate to his namesake if I had planned it that way.

Dorian: “This is a pretty nice one. I think I’d like another.”

That’s what I like to hear! The name of the game is “heir and a spare,” so get to it!

They are happy to oblige. 

(Very ladylike, Lee.)

Now that he’s mastered the painting skill in his old age, Jethro has two hobbies: playing the guitar around town for tips (he’s great at it) and hitting on the old ladies who buy tomatoes from our garden (he’s terrible at it).

Jethro: “PLEASE. I’m so lonely! My wife died days ago! WHAT’S YOUR SIGN?”

I can only assume that he’s using this pick-up line ironically, since a dyed-in-the-wool hipster like Jeth would NEVER actually ask such a babe as this her sign. Or maybe he really is that desperate. Hm. Tell you what, Jethro, you max out that guitar skill for me and I’ll let you have all the creepy old widower woohoo you can handle.

On that disturbing note, let’s take a moment to say goodbye to the least interesting Underground brother, Wes. I kicked him out because I was too busy to find a spouse for him and I’m pretty sure he’ll do fine without me. Go forth and prosper, Wes, and bring me some cute preppy babies.

Next time: another baby for Dorian and Lee! Birthday(s)! Hauntings! And maybe we’ll check out Joaquin’s elderly half-brother!

Next chapter


Generation 2; Chapter 8

Meet Lee Dias.

Lee came into my game totally unexpectedly. I had sent Dorian and Jethro off on a father-son bonding trip to the theatre and promptly forgotten about them. When I went to check on them hours later, Jethro was standing around aimlessly and Dorian was talking to this vision.

Or, you know, awkwardly staring at her. Can’t blame him really. Band T-shirt + red suspenders + tiny terrycloth shorts + fearless haircut = love at first sight.

Dorian asked if she was single. Turns out she was just hungry. I let her go home and have some food; Dorian’s got her number.

If you’ll remember, at the end of the last chapter, Dorian was named heir. We’ll focus on him in a minute, but first let’s check on generation 1. What’s up, Jethro?

Jethro: “I just finished this dark and rather brooding portrait of Dorian.”

Awesome. Point! How about you, Zelda?

Zelda: “I just got promoted to Backup Singer!”

OH MY GOD. CANNOT UNSEE.

Sadly, Zelda so offended the Fates with her sexy grandma outfit…

…her soul was promptly reaped.

Poor Zelda. She died pretty young; I think she was only 93. She never achieved her lifetime wish of becoming a Rock Star or mastered any skills, but she was handy, a good mom, and a great legacy wife. Rock on, Zelda.

She was ceremoniously laid to rest in the new Underground cemetery at the foot of the founders’ willow tree.

The family is understandably devastated at the passing of their matriarch.

However, like a good family they stick together and find joy where they can, such as Wes’s adult birthday.

Wes gets another preppy makeover and rolls Computer Whiz as his final trait.

Dorian, still shaken up about his mother’s death, decides life is too short to waste any more time.

They head to the park with the rest of the Undergrounds for a private, after-dark wedding.

…and that’s when things got weird.

There have been a lot of Diases around Sunset Valley this generation, and they are all pretty close to the same age. I assumed it was just a large family with mostly grown kids, and Lee was the oldest. So when the “manage households” box popped up after Lee and Dorian’s wedding, I was surprised to see that she was the only adult in the Dias household—it was her (a young adult) and five other teenagers. I couldn’t cancel the box, and I couldn’t move forward, so I had to quit my game and reload to right before the wedding.

To get around this problem, I invited over Blair Dias and aged him up to young adult.

He seems proud of himself, doesn’t he?

Blair: “I’m the man of the house now!”

Now the wedding can take place! Again.

Success!

Lee Underground is a Neat, Absent-Minded Perfectionist. She’s Artistic and has a Green Thumb, and her LTW is to have a perfect garden. Sounds good to me!

Another thing: she is the mother of all those kids! Let’s review: Lee is a young adult with (if I remember correctly) 9 days to go before she ages up. She is the mother of 5 teenagers. Who (according to her family tree) have no father. What the WHAT? This marks the beginning of my pretending that her other 5 children do not exist. She needs to focus on Underground babies. Hopefully the experience of raising 5 teenagers will come in handy, though.

By the way, have you noticed things looking a little…different in the last few photos?

That’s because I got Lee and Dorian a wedding present: a Brooklyn Brownstone! Yes, the old house was always going to be a temporary fix, and with 3 big floors, this baby can hold multiple generations of Undergrounds! Unfortunately I spent most of my money on the exterior and don’t have enough to put up much in the way of interior walls or lighting. But that will change soon!

Since I started the draft of this post a full nine months ago, it’s probably time to wrap it up and post it! But I can’t leave you without a teaser of things to come:

Indigestion? Or is Generation 3 on the way? Tune in next time (much sooner than last time!) to find out!

Next chapter


Generation 1, Chapter VII

Ah yes, the Undergrounds—the only hipster family in Sunset Valley. Where were we?

Jethro has finally made it out of the toddler-rearing stage of life and is back to a full-time focus on skilling. Since I’m playing for points I really need him to get both his LTW (mastering both the guitar and art skills) and the top of his career (culinary).

I’ve more or less given up on getting either of those things for Zelda. She was already a full adult when I married her in, and then she was on maternity leave for most of that. She takes care of the garden and gets a promotion every now and then (I haven’t let her retire in a half-hearted hope that she will somehow reach the top of her career before she kicks the bucket and get me two points at once) but mostly she…plays with her children’s toys.

Now that she’s elderly, I suddenly have fewer qualms about having her repair electric appliances. Again, me = terrible person.

Zelda: “…I don’t like this job…I don’t like it one bit…”

Holden, the oldest son, has four directionless traits (Grumpy, Heavy Sleeper, Easily Impressed Technophobe) and therefore no idea what he wants to do with his life. Not sure painting is your calling, guy.

Dorian (the Grumpy, Genius, Snob Virtuoso second son), on the other hand, already knew he wanted to be a chess legend well before his teenage birthday. He’s also discovered 5 stars and a planet, and will no doubt round out his teenage years by composing an award-winning opera and curing the Forrest Gump syndrome that’s been plaguing the Undergrounds ever since Wes and Zelda had a fateful game of tag.

Finally, there’s Wes, the baby of the family and a Good, Couch Potato Snob. He’s a bit of a go-getter too; he’s already completed one novel and working on another. He’s also the only one of the second generation who shows much interest in making friends his own age.

On the day of his teen birthday, he was over visiting Colette Partridge, who will not be considered for a legacy spouse unless she gets that hair taken care of. Seriously, what is going on there. I know I have my Sim Detail settings on low but this is ridiculous.

Wes aged up into this young bruiser. I was planning on keeping his curly hair but I kinda like the Blond Helmet better. I thought he looked more like his mom, with her hair and eye colors, but he has Jethro’s face shape. A good mix, I think! He rolls Grumpy, which is a little disappointing since now both of my possible heirs are now grumps.

Here’s another look at the horrifying outfit he aged up into.

And here he is post-makeover. He was giving me a bit of a Vampire Weekend vibe so I put him in something nice and preppy. I love that the base game comes with a Sperry option.

Jethro reached the top of the culinary career (that’s a point for me!) and can now focus full-time on his painting and guitar.

For becoming a five-star chef, I got this kick-ass top-of-the line fridge. Now my sims get a nice positive moodlet every time they eat something that’s been stored in there.

Because he’s turning elder in a few days, I had Jethro attempt a self-portrait.

This is what he came up with, unfortunately. It’s no Portrait of Chad, but it’ll have to do. Point!

I…don’t have a good transition; I just really like this photo of Dorian reading on the fountain outside the science lab. He is obsessed with finishing The Adventures of Raymundo.

While we’re throwing in random pictures of Dorian, here’s one of him pretending to be a chestburster.

Unbelievably, it’s time for moar birthdays.

First up is Holden. He’s aged up into this fine young adult. His final trait is Green Thumb, for which I am thrilled! No more grumpy sims this generation!

Because he is not my heir, I am mean and make him wear Awkward Shorts forever.

Holden is right on track to become a hipster foodie. He loves fishing and finally rolled a LTW to have the perfect private aquarium. He also has that green thumb, so he’s helping with the garden, and gaining some cooking points too. I might keep him around for a while just for all the fresh ingredients he brings in.

See Holden, even Losers can catch beautiful fish.

Jethro: “Hey guys! Why’s everybody so excited…”

Jethro: “OH GOD WHAT HAVE I BECOME”

This family. So melodramatic.

After I gave him his clothes back, the first thing Jeth did was retire so he could focus on his real life’s work.

Jethro: “No, thanks, I don’t need your Establishment job anymore. I’m through slaving in your hot kitchen. I’m an artist, you know. Oh, pension check? Yeah, send it right over. Vive la revolucion!”

True to his word, Jethro’s very next painting was a Masterpiece. His first one! Looks a little familiar, though…

Jethro: “It’s an improvement. See, her Urban Outfitters bikini top represents the slow-but-relentless co-opting of art by advertising and commercialism.”

Oh…kay.

Masterpieces are nice, Jethro, but what I really need is PORTRAITS. Here’s Holden’s. Point!

And now, before we go, an important announcement.

We have our Second Generation Heir!

Yes, now that both my founders are elders, I have decided that Dorian Underground will be carrying on the family name. This is partially due to the fact that Wes bores me and partially because of events that will be revealed in the next chapter! So tune in next time for the details. Until then, here are our new Heir’s stats:

Dorian Underground is a Grumpy Genius Virtuoso Snob and (his last trait) a Flirt! His lifetime wish is to be a Chess Legend. I don’t have his favorites written down anywhere because who cares about those anyway. Come back next week for some seriously juicy stuff: a death, a double wedding (kind of) and MAYBE the start of GENERATION THREE?!?

Next chapter